In this month’s coaching blog, Rev. Dr. Margie Bryce discusses the challenges we face when we try to do ministry in isolation and why we need support and mentorship.
REV. DR. MARGIE BRYCE
Retired Elder, Michigan Conference
Over time, many of us learn about struggling colleagues . . . after the fact. After a fall from grace. After troubling issues at church. We hear about it after a friend has departed ministry. Or, maybe a partner in ministry just dropped off the face of the earth (the rapture of a lone individual)?
All of this is uncomfortable. You’re unsure whether or how to reach out. You wonder about their faith journey and whether they felt defeated, discouraged, depressed . . . or relieved. This can easily lead us to feel anxious about our own situations and whether we are managing ourselves well enough.
Many believe we can handle our own journey of faith in isolation, feeling like we don’t have a safe place to be honest. Sometimes, even among pastors and staff, there’s a sense of great risk in sharing because you never know if a person in your group could end up being your ministry boss. I hear this concern a lot.
So, whether geographical (because of being out in the boonies in a small rural setting) or self-protective, leadership brings a sense of isolation. That is an especially lonely place to be when ministry becomes as challenging as ministry really is. Isolation increases the potential to become a crabby believer (whether it is visible to the public or not). And, if chronically neglected, ministry leaders slide into burnout. This is not who God calls us to be.
Our reality-check friends at Barna Group capture this: while pastors are certainly called to lead and disciple others, they also need an opportunity to receive support and mentorship in their own lives.
According to Barna, a surprising number of pastors don’t report engaging in the type of self-care that lifts feelings of isolation. For example, here are the percentages of pastors who do the following once a month (usually for one hour):
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- Receive some form of direct spiritual support — 50%
- Talk with someone about their emotional and mental health — 38%
- Meet with a spiritual director/mentor — 24%
- Meet with a counselor — 12%
Proverbs 15:22 springs to mind: “Plans fail for lack of counsel, but with many advisers they succeed” (NIV), or some learned it this way, “the counsel of many is wise.” Barna suggests that half of our ministry leaders ignore this counsel by isolating themselves.
Leadership is a lonely sport, and ministry leadership is especially isolating. Coaching is available through the Michigan Conference. This is one way to have a safe and confidential place to be honest — we all need that. Another important way coaching helps is by expanding your thinking to include new possibilities. Through this process, the sense of isolation is lifted.
I took this seriously as I led DownRiver UMC in Taylor, Michigan, a merger of 4.5 churches. I had both a coach and a spiritual director. I knew God was the infallible leader . . . but me, well, not so much. Having another person to journey alongside you is a good step toward healthy self-care.
Local church work is challenging enough. Standing your ground for what is right or what is an appropriate leadership decision can get you into hot water, which can quickly get you feeling crabby. Don’t become a crabby disciple. Get some coaching and experience the gift that God intends for others to be in your life and ministry.
Rev. Dr. Margie Bryce has been a ministry coach with the Michigan Conference since 2021 and has over 300 hours of coaching experience. She is certified by the International Coaching Federation.
Last Updated on July 18, 2024